CO129-425 - Governor Sir May - 1915 [10-12] — Page 686

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ara

Bøflig szedt IIs basi „(adıṣm noiflim ensin anthoone oft vlaki

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Bið oðað medt elegum bas febreroxo0 for jasoo eft no eredvence kød? (ileɛym „zaidzuṣi qled Jon bluco I .ode,.ode vode pujavoo ,videbimuddao otkup cam - yol edt bu .DENBENON Bidó fie gateOTOZÝ gulxuidd ul eyab Jzzavaz Jugge Frearse qoob ni sed "ejimos" eft 10 baix Jedw dłłw ɑwode ybootis exoje zidd Haidt 1 „retism ødt geva

.ab of bad I nem

nologejuo as ľ

«zuidtyas Xoad qeel ‡'nov I

¡Ji to bin dea dawm I deið „elid to old vino ya yď bedsøta on at bib I ecoled eliḥ ya mi tėveli .yfwala yĺbum Joy [5]w I sɛJO Ilema eit asem d'aọb I

,bersdɛs ed of tdquo I dəidə 1o zat:!Jemoe fis owþBeil 10(agawan nommoɔ edt 100 ‚aati Islooz bas, Ismaidnevnos

doldu pesmejlixe eiodų eild qu a‡ce doldw old gif odd user I

.168 ‚coli zaiffed no og od voy Boozal doidw polið efodw eit anoɛloq. Yun enɔi evad I Veeray yarded of Jom „žazil edi yazřed of Jon etuq Bow elli ya joved ɛaw I ned♪ nova juð „eili ya at spældi VIIIB bus gaidos,dam & exil Jon usw I „Porɛondaijool need‡ nå mượt has ‚eos) ati no fram a di̟ių palyf bas galvtésed

Je dyusi blppo saŮ

exoled,Jesod at beɛu odwi

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betray those who trusted ne

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677

I never a moment, then, thought that

I could be tortured by such a thing as a conscience. It would be 223

easy,

I thought, to become a thief, when only the motives for my

lust for money were pure 0, it is the hardest thing I o annot

bear it any longer. I must throw off this burden. It crushes me.

It is the most difficult thing in the world to become a scoundrel.

One ought to be born for that. If one is not, one fails.

I

failed - because my conscience has tormented and tortured me for now

more than 5 months beyond bearing; till my whole Life has become a

despicable thing to me, that I should like to throw away.

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0

I

But I will confess regularly. Yes, confess, confess,

when I had been a catholic, I would, weeks ago, have gone to a

But I am no catholic. priest to confess and to pray for absolution.

I belong to none of the christian religious creeds or sects.

I asked, only to confess. thought about conversion to catholicism there in Shanghai, whether the Manager of the Hotel knew a catholic

No But then - I would not. Pather confessor.

that would be a

And I had enough, enough. How could I confess with a heart, that did not believe, so as it is wonted to believe / And

Not a single friend nobody, nobody to whom to pour out my heart.

1

new lie.

b00.0 ! en salread dom hluns Bro Om

guibeeu-ton ya lo „svek ak neergo Insijilan yh at estrong ynom og -ya ɔdw eɛodt bastɛconyze Ieuza Jaom ed♪ dily benzettino ads I 'self yzodosent bas boodenls) to vdflug boote

Ydqorolida ya al I

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•Yaw tuoiglien e al qu jégvozd Jon he I „Juboid a 'msa e mi eoneise goo s lo esueJetxe edt belzeb

Ilve bas booz &ɣaid? To zaizuaren Isaol)ibent edd zino asy,bleu I di Jiguodt zeven I -YAMLING ONð at ag of ̧tigueð need bad es o I .Iezbmuose ® (Buzor s Milko pžekson Jødw,emored od #fuoládés brus Leedɛ lovløseh rab of gatog es I tedy ro↑ BOENOYA YMAM DE had

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I had.

And of what use would it I was all alone, these months.

be, when I had had one ? Words of consolation cannot help me.

who can punish me,

I must confess to gone one who stands over me,

who can despise me and show this; I must confess to a Judge, who can deliver me to Justice for deceit and breach of faith and theft. I hope, when I am punished, that I can escape my conscience, this

It seems terrible conscience which haunts me like some spectre. Impossible and yet, when I was told, the day before yesterday (8th Dec:) that I was a prisoner, I had, after the first shock, a

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!